It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
