im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
