Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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