I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She announced her abortion via fbk
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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