You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
