Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
