oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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