hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize