just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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