I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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