If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize