I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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