Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
