Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
