Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
