It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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