:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
