So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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