I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
