i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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