Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
