I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
