the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
