be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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