You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
