are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
