Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
