It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
