Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
