in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
