my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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