bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
