Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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