Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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