I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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