i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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