you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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