a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
