Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
