haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
