Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
