I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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