so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
ok first of all what the fuck
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
