You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need to sanitize my soul.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
