see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
