you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
