Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
