Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
