We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
