i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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