You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
