i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize