when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
