my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize