I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
