Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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