"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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