Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
