It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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