I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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