Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
