remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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