rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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