I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
