the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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