Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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