I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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