I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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