He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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