Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
50% drunk capacity currently
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
