I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
