Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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